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Saturday, March 20, 2010
i went for this spiritual retreat on friday - weekend of waiting. its kinda like a christian conference where an outside speaker will come and talk to us about specific topics.
on friday, our first sermon, pastor david talked about the great commission, how we were asked to do our best wherever we are for God. every thing that we do, be it big or small, it serves a purpose.
"whatever thing that u do for your brother, u did it for me."
i can't remember the exact verse, too lazy to check but the meaning is there. just before the service started, there i was alone, my cell group were busy so i guess i had no one else to turn to. messaged james to accompany me but apparently he didn't see my message. then, i heard a soft prompting from God to be alone with Him. for a moment there, i felt kind of noticed and it felt good. not only that, being needed by the God of the universe, its awesome!
that night i left early, hoping that james would at least contact me and asked where i was. apparently he didn't and i didn't really think about it after that. at night i prayed, talked to God about myself falling away, about feeling distant from everyone. i prayed till i fell asleep.
the first sermon started at 2pm. there i was sitting alone again, no one to disturb me. i was fully convinced that God will do something, i dunno when. worship started, holy spirit filled the entire church, i was deeply connected with God. halfway through the song, i felt that God was confronting me with certain issues. i felt abit bitter when aunty sharon didn't invite me to her house for dinner just after cny. i felt abit neglected. in my heart i was thinking is it because she didn't like me? i always greet her in church, sometimes she smile back most of the time she don't. i take it that its not in her nature to smile.
God reminded me that who are u doing all these things for? y do u put your faith in something that is temporal? place your faith in me where it will never change. do everything for me and not because they are your friends.
as i confess to God and asked him to take away all these bitterness, the Spirit of God overwhelmed me completely and i started shaking and crying uncontrollably. went on and on for prolly 5 mins. after which, worship ended and i felt released by God. it was as tho the hurt was gone completely.
sermon started, pastor david suddenly said that God gave him some insights. he prophesy for Ian, telling him that studies is impt, but seek first the presence of God. all his friends will take on the same path but the path for him is diff. God told him not to despair but rather to seek after Him and He will lift him up to higher grounds. then pastor david asked if anyone had a hole in the pocket which resulted in losing some stuff. 2 guys raised their hands and he continued by saying that God is going to restore whatever that is lost in their lives. next, people who got woken up by God in the middle of the night to pray. 4 people raised up their hands and david said that God will be answering their prayers soon, by either this week or the week after. told them to pray unceasingly until that happens. for whoever asks will receive and whoever knocks on the door, it shall be answered!
after which, his wife came up on stage to share her wisdom from God too. first was ian again, a double confirmation of God's word. then, the girl wearing a pair of red shoes sitting on the front row, something like trusting God, i forgot what it was alr.
the sermon went on for 1 hr plus, i was pretty distracted by God in the sense that i felt the need to pray for my friends. there i was thinking that i will be graduating soon, i need to share Christ with my non christian friends. during the closing song, God nudged me again, david's wife told us that God wants the youth, from 15-25 to raise up their hands. they will be the ones who will bring about a change in the church and will go into the field of harvest.
the message was quite overwhelming. as i sat there and reflect on what just happened, i find certain issues rather disturbing. friendship seemed to become very superficial and transient in the sense that i shouldn't even place an emphasis on them. God gave me the gift of discernment, it helped me alot in leading my cg. majority are guys who dun like to share their problems. with proper discernment, i know what they are going through just by observing their actions. at the same time, this gift made me realise the complexity of man. people who seemed to be nice in front of u might not be feeling the same about u. some people say i'm being too sensitive, perhaps too much for my own good. i guess the word is not sensitive because it refers to something that might not be true. in my case, a high percentage of my perception is true. i know when people lie in my face, i can tell from their expressions. i can tell when they feel uncomfortable around me or if i say something wrong.
knowing to much ain't a good thing. a few years back, i always wanted to have this gift but now it seems as tho it is dragging me down and i feel very burdened by it. God is trying to teach me to see things differently, to do things for a different reason.
second sermon of the day, david talked about the manifestation of the Holy spirit. spiritual disciplines like reading bible everyday, prayer and devotions can become like a routine if not managed carefully. we need to integrate the HS in our spiritual discipline in order to grow deeper in love with God on a daily basis. spiritual knowledge by itself is just head knowledge. we spend time doing it to seek God, not knowledge. discovering HS will lead us to Jesus and discovering Jesus will lead us to the Father.
what i gather from that was PURITY. God specifically told me to be pure before Him. no matter how polluted the world is, how some of my friends behave, i must remain pure for Him. so what if people did stuff that i never tried before, so what if i never do it before? i got reminded of the story that pastor dave told me years ago. God has perfect plan for us, but to reach there, there are choices that we have to make daily. whatever we choose will lead us to different place that God has planned. it makes perfect sense because if u're not ready for the things that he's about to give u, how can he give it to u. for example if he were to give me 1 million dollars right now, i will probably buy alot of things that i dun need, start behaving like another person- rich and arrogant etc. if it takes one to be living in a world of ur own to be pure, so be it. different people have different ideals and i guess God is the only thing in my life apart from my family that has always been there for it without fail and disappointment.
somehow in church, people start treating me like a celebrity, that i am so high up, i'm a model etc. dunch u get it? i'm still me, talk to me because im still the same. sometimes i dao u not because i want to, i might be in a daze, who doesn't occasionally. dun just because i dao u once then u regard me as snobbish after becoming model or something. its really not a big deal what. i like to dress up, it feels nice. dunch u dress up when u going to meet someone special? we're in the house of God, we should dress up!
stepping out from the youth ministry really makes alot of difference. i used to have so many attention from so many people. people whom i used to be closed to are now leaders of cell groups, they have their own sheep to take care of. i guess once again, i need to take more initiative to talk to people. i dun wanna be confined to my cg alone, i mean they are great company yes, but we belong to a bigger family and i wanna get to know them better. our church desperately need a church camp, can't wait for next year! in the mean time, i pray that bartley will retain its old tradition, a family church where everyone knows everyone.
+++11:42 PM+++
Jesus is Love
i went for this spiritual retreat on friday - weekend of waiting. its kinda like a christian conference where an outside speaker will come and talk to us about specific topics.
on friday, our first sermon, pastor david talked about the great commission, how we were asked to do our best wherever we are for God. every thing that we do, be it big or small, it serves a purpose.
"whatever thing that u do for your brother, u did it for me."
i can't remember the exact verse, too lazy to check but the meaning is there. just before the service started, there i was alone, my cell group were busy so i guess i had no one else to turn to. messaged james to accompany me but apparently he didn't see my message. then, i heard a soft prompting from God to be alone with Him. for a moment there, i felt kind of noticed and it felt good. not only that, being needed by the God of the universe, its awesome!
that night i left early, hoping that james would at least contact me and asked where i was. apparently he didn't and i didn't really think about it after that. at night i prayed, talked to God about myself falling away, about feeling distant from everyone. i prayed till i fell asleep.
the first sermon started at 2pm. there i was sitting alone again, no one to disturb me. i was fully convinced that God will do something, i dunno when. worship started, holy spirit filled the entire church, i was deeply connected with God. halfway through the song, i felt that God was confronting me with certain issues. i felt abit bitter when aunty sharon didn't invite me to her house for dinner just after cny. i felt abit neglected. in my heart i was thinking is it because she didn't like me? i always greet her in church, sometimes she smile back most of the time she don't. i take it that its not in her nature to smile.
God reminded me that who are u doing all these things for? y do u put your faith in something that is temporal? place your faith in me where it will never change. do everything for me and not because they are your friends.
as i confess to God and asked him to take away all these bitterness, the Spirit of God overwhelmed me completely and i started shaking and crying uncontrollably. went on and on for prolly 5 mins. after which, worship ended and i felt released by God. it was as tho the hurt was gone completely.
sermon started, pastor david suddenly said that God gave him some insights. he prophesy for Ian, telling him that studies is impt, but seek first the presence of God. all his friends will take on the same path but the path for him is diff. God told him not to despair but rather to seek after Him and He will lift him up to higher grounds. then pastor david asked if anyone had a hole in the pocket which resulted in losing some stuff. 2 guys raised their hands and he continued by saying that God is going to restore whatever that is lost in their lives. next, people who got woken up by God in the middle of the night to pray. 4 people raised up their hands and david said that God will be answering their prayers soon, by either this week or the week after. told them to pray unceasingly until that happens. for whoever asks will receive and whoever knocks on the door, it shall be answered!
after which, his wife came up on stage to share her wisdom from God too. first was ian again, a double confirmation of God's word. then, the girl wearing a pair of red shoes sitting on the front row, something like trusting God, i forgot what it was alr.
the sermon went on for 1 hr plus, i was pretty distracted by God in the sense that i felt the need to pray for my friends. there i was thinking that i will be graduating soon, i need to share Christ with my non christian friends. during the closing song, God nudged me again, david's wife told us that God wants the youth, from 15-25 to raise up their hands. they will be the ones who will bring about a change in the church and will go into the field of harvest.
the message was quite overwhelming. as i sat there and reflect on what just happened, i find certain issues rather disturbing. friendship seemed to become very superficial and transient in the sense that i shouldn't even place an emphasis on them. God gave me the gift of discernment, it helped me alot in leading my cg. majority are guys who dun like to share their problems. with proper discernment, i know what they are going through just by observing their actions. at the same time, this gift made me realise the complexity of man. people who seemed to be nice in front of u might not be feeling the same about u. some people say i'm being too sensitive, perhaps too much for my own good. i guess the word is not sensitive because it refers to something that might not be true. in my case, a high percentage of my perception is true. i know when people lie in my face, i can tell from their expressions. i can tell when they feel uncomfortable around me or if i say something wrong.
knowing to much ain't a good thing. a few years back, i always wanted to have this gift but now it seems as tho it is dragging me down and i feel very burdened by it. God is trying to teach me to see things differently, to do things for a different reason.
second sermon of the day, david talked about the manifestation of the Holy spirit. spiritual disciplines like reading bible everyday, prayer and devotions can become like a routine if not managed carefully. we need to integrate the HS in our spiritual discipline in order to grow deeper in love with God on a daily basis. spiritual knowledge by itself is just head knowledge. we spend time doing it to seek God, not knowledge. discovering HS will lead us to Jesus and discovering Jesus will lead us to the Father.
what i gather from that was PURITY. God specifically told me to be pure before Him. no matter how polluted the world is, how some of my friends behave, i must remain pure for Him. so what if people did stuff that i never tried before, so what if i never do it before? i got reminded of the story that pastor dave told me years ago. God has perfect plan for us, but to reach there, there are choices that we have to make daily. whatever we choose will lead us to different place that God has planned. it makes perfect sense because if u're not ready for the things that he's about to give u, how can he give it to u. for example if he were to give me 1 million dollars right now, i will probably buy alot of things that i dun need, start behaving like another person- rich and arrogant etc. if it takes one to be living in a world of ur own to be pure, so be it. different people have different ideals and i guess God is the only thing in my life apart from my family that has always been there for it without fail and disappointment.
somehow in church, people start treating me like a celebrity, that i am so high up, i'm a model etc. dunch u get it? i'm still me, talk to me because im still the same. sometimes i dao u not because i want to, i might be in a daze, who doesn't occasionally. dun just because i dao u once then u regard me as snobbish after becoming model or something. its really not a big deal what. i like to dress up, it feels nice. dunch u dress up when u going to meet someone special? we're in the house of God, we should dress up!
stepping out from the youth ministry really makes alot of difference. i used to have so many attention from so many people. people whom i used to be closed to are now leaders of cell groups, they have their own sheep to take care of. i guess once again, i need to take more initiative to talk to people. i dun wanna be confined to my cg alone, i mean they are great company yes, but we belong to a bigger family and i wanna get to know them better. our church desperately need a church camp, can't wait for next year! in the mean time, i pray that bartley will retain its old tradition, a family church where everyone knows everyone.
Jesus is Love