Teacher's Diary

Friday, January 30, 2009

hello, just came back from malaysia and getting abit fatter but i worked it off today. i felt the oil leaking off my body as i jogged from hall 15 to src, completed my 2.4km and 60 times grandstand! next week hopefully i get to go for this cast audition to be a model for this company that we are aiming to get sponsorship from. i heard we're getting paid and since i'm not on contract yet, y not.

vertical marathon will be held next week and i might be joining sundown too. so much for working out ya, its like an ultimate challenge. i dun think i considered myself conquering 21km the last time during army since i started running only when i reached the 16km mark. the only reason y i ran was because my bag was left in the open and it was raining so heavily. one day before vertical marathon, there's a photoshoot at makeover inc, daryl suggested to take an 8R photo in case anything happen, that was quite errr..

anyway, i went to school today and most of my friends were shocked that i took that module cuz this was the first time i attended the lecture. the first thing they told me was that she taught i dropped out of school and then assured me that she's not the only one. and i thought u are suppose to say nice thing to pple during chinese new year. argh!! i think it only happens when u have red packets.

okie i am officially shagged out and i'm so proud of myself, i attended 2/3 lectures on a friday. during the management lectures, i wasn't exactly paying attention. instead, was crapping with weiqi, she's such a distraction. i ended up writing like in total 2-3 sentences on like 50 slides. on our way back, we decided to give candice a call and the conversation went like this:

kel: do u wanna go for sundown
candice: i will die la
kel: lets get a wheelchair, we'll take turn
candice: hahaha
weiqi: HAHAHAHAHA

after which, we went on to talk about the reporters taking photos of handicap clearing sundown. and the highlight happen to be when whoever on the wheel chair stood up and shout hallelujah! we had such a queer conversation. heh

+++8:49 PM+++

Jesus is Love
Tuesday, January 20, 2009

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry

And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side
When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now

[Chorus]
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
and make it ok
I miss you

I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do reminds me of you
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you,
I love the things that you do

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now
When you're gone

The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
and make it ok
I miss you

We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were, yeah
All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
and make it ok
I miss you

+++6:30 PM+++

Jesus is Love
Sunday, January 18, 2009

i just cut my hair, tell me that its nice k? this week is quite eventful because cheerlead's over and i have more time to do my own things, including studying but i didn't do much of that cuz i felt like playing a little more and there was alot of moments when i felt distracted by pple. haha. guessing game started, dunno if she likes me. i still cannot help but blush everytime she sms me after sending her some random stuff. i shall hide in a corner to sms next time. bleah

God has been speaking to me alot lately, about Him being the solid rock of my life as well as how i should place my trust in Him rather than on my friends. i mean obviously i know that but sometimes i just can't help it. i cannot be like last time when i can clearly say i surrender fully to his will because right now she's not a christian and i really want her to be in my life. this is like a vicious cycle, i wanna do things my way but i know God has a better plan for me. it doesn't make sense for me to reject His offer, i suppose i need to learn how to trust Him. a part of me never learn my lesson, been struggling for a few months now, wanting to get hurt first before i can really go back to Him. i want to be restored to where i used to be with God, when i can dwell in his presense whole day. just bumming at the park, listening to nature's voice, admiring His creation and enjoying his love for me.

u know i am starting to enjoy time alone by the beach or clarke quay at night. its kinda cooling and romantic. anyway, avelyn said i'm a lone ranger in a spiritual sense. meaning that i don't have anyone who is accountable for me which is bad but i'm spiritually stable which is good. in the long run, its bad so i need to grow qingnan to be more spiruitually mature so he can be my pace buddy. yay..

i will not be going for work and travel usa so i guess my next plan will be to organise a taiwan trip with novo on the first week of may with the novos. pls free up your days k? i think we might have to do research together to formulate a iternary if not later go there nothing to do. was thinking of having a week trip. if we find that its too short, can organise more trips like cruise and stuff. haha. so to do that, we need to work now. got any tuition lobang pls intro me. i think i am quite a good tutor. my 2 tutees got drastic improvement for O level physics. A1 and A2 from like C6. a maths from f9 to b3. haha. so proud of them. so yeah, pls pls pls contact me k?

valentine's day coming, gonna have to start making stuff for novo girls. lol. dun worry, i won't be biased. haha. if have time i'll do for dar too. lol. so thick skin la, ask me to make for him. this year is so exciting, alot of 21st bday parties, alot of changes in my life, alot of close friends, alot of work to do.

can't wait for our taiwan trip. go wen1 quan2 help each other scrub backs. lol.. wheee.. life rocks when u have God and close friends..

+++3:12 PM+++

Jesus is Love
Wednesday, January 14, 2009

this week was awesome, it started off with church then going town with qingnan for htht. u know its really cool to have close friend who can understand what u are going through and how u feel about certain things eventhough he didn't go through it himself. its like when i tell him what i was going through, he immediately know how i would feel and how i normally will react so he corrected me and even list out the things that i can do. after which, it was just talking about our past relationships and how we handled funny situations like confessing to her. haha. i guess both of us are equally bad at that, although he emphasized that he was only sec 4 then.

had a really entertaining time talking bout things that we don't normally say in front of people. from him, i realised that i am indeed very fortunate to have my kind of relationships so far, that i didn't really have to chase after a girl. things obviously have to change now since the girl that i like doesn't like me, as yet. i cannot possibly sit around and do nothing but yet at the same time i cannot do everything that i used to do to attract a girl because all those things are done with no risk of failure. like what dar said, when it comes from the heart, its different. there are consequences to my actions now and every step i take make a difference, be it good or bad. nevertheless, i find it quite challenging. actually i'm not someone who likes to experience new things but hey, life's like that. gosh, listening to some love song now and i can't help but think of her. its been awhile since i last had someone in mind constantly. its quite a sucky feeling because even when i think of her i cannot keep on smsing her cuz she doesn't know and i don't want to scare her. heh. funny thing bout smsing her is that everytime i do sms her, my friends keep on suaning me cuz i blushed. been having this kind of reaction and can be quite distracting, at least for my classmates who are mostly paying attention on me rather than the lecturer. hah

two days ago i got eye infection and it became so bad that i couldn't open my eyes. thank god that i have friends who were there to help me buy food and stuff. the recovery rate was quite fast, by now, i can open my eyes fully but vision still abit blurry. however, apart from not being able to wear contacts, i can function normally. as in go online and read newspaper that kinda thing. competition's like in 6 hrs time and i can safely say that we are prepared. going to do some awesome stuff later and hopefully all stunts will be up.

cheerleading gonna be over soon and studies have to take over my life immediately. so much stuff that has been covered. i haven really attended lectures and there wasn't much notes uploaded anyway so till now, it seems as though i'm still having holidays. dieee!! wake up kelvin. alright, lets form study groups and mug like crazy tgt ya.

+++12:14 PM+++

Jesus is Love
Friday, January 09, 2009

cheerleading is taking up alot of my time and i think im on the verge of breaking down again. i dun think i wanna do this anymore. work is piling up, people are still asking me out. i cannot resist fun, i can never resist it. i want to go out and have fun and lead a carefree life but yet at the same time, i wanna build up a career path that can enable my family to lead an easy life in future.

future is kind of bleak right now, at least i have someone in mind to occupy and block off all the unpleasant stuff. this i dun think i can share yet cuz as of now i dun even know what i'm going to do. i feel like stepping back from church and at the same time i wanna do so much things for church. its a feeling of wanting to push everything aside and just lean back and relax yet this period of time is when i need God the most. i desperately need restoration and peace from Him. i want to be able to smile every morning and listen to the melodies of nature as i stroll to school. i wanna look at the sky and feel the gentle breeze and hear God says that he loves me so much. guess i dun need anyone for now cept God but deep down i still want to have a girl in my life that can journey with for a lifetime. i wanna watch sunset with her, wanna dance with her in a private park, wanna hold her in my arms. heh. i saw her in my dreams a couple of time, it was at a water fountain where i first met her. never really see her face before but i like the feel of it, the chemistry between us. read a few books on it, dreams like this do become reality.

received a letter from one of my friend and somehow i got abit confused over recent events. first time in my life that i cannot fully say that i know how to deal with it. u said that u can't read my mind and i agree with u because i dunno what i want. i still don't. i try my best to be normal around u but sometimes i can't. anyway, just wanna let u know that i tried my best to achieve what i had promised u until the very end.

+++6:37 PM+++

Jesus is Love
Thursday, January 01, 2009

i can't really remember when holiday started but its gonna end in a few days time. it started off with having like 4 training a week which means i had to stay in school for 5 days. obviously that doesn't sound fun. i had been abit more emotional due to the excessive amount of time i spent in hall during a supposedly fun period of time hanging out with my friend and doing my own things. this is one of the main sacrifices that i had to make in order to stay in hall. but the thing is this, the amount of time that i invest in cheerleading might not even be enough to earn enough points to stay in hall or fall under the rec list cuz the rule states that i need to participate in 2 or more sports. as i thought through, i realised that i have made a wrong choice right from the start of uni life. do i have any regrets? guess not cuz at least i made some pretty decent and cool friends. i guess that's about it. joining cheerleading is against my image and i dunno what else but i never see myself as a cheerleader. okie so much for that..

just had chalet with the NOVOs. it was abit disappointing because initially the chalet was suppose to be 3 days 2 night. so i felt that it was rather short. however, we did meet up quite alot before the chalet and i even invited most of them to stayover at my place during the last 2 weeks. after all the stayovers, i guess i fell in love with this group of friends more. its like i will feel weird if i don't see them around. this friendship is very special because we started getting close by talking about stuffs that are very personal, we call it the HTHT sessions. this is the reverse of the normal way of how i make friends which is to play first and talk later kinda thing.

the day before the chalet, daryl and wq came over to chill. actually wq came 2 days earlier to help me with the present. so yea, we started work after dinner. i wanted to carve out some design on the bauble using pen knife but failed so i gave up after doing 2. at the same time, daryl was making an album for daphne. anyway, i assisted til 4 plus and they finished at 6am. had to go for training in the morning that's y i needed the sleep. shine training was scary as usual but this time round, i kind of enjoyed it cuz i felt that i was more prepared for it, as in like i finally managed to do all the cat walking without any mistakes. the final thing that i got to work on is my expression, the trainer says that i looked too fierce.

anyway, when it was time to go off, i rushed down to pasir ris asap. the first thing that the NOVOs said was LAN4 REN2. i dun really know why they said that but it felt good to have them around again. somehow its like the BEST PLACE that was mentioned in SHAMAN KING. best place is somewhere that u feel most at ease and can be yourself. daryl was cooking as expected but wad surprised me was qy, who wore a shirt with jeans, bbqing there too. haha. i thought he was like me, forever slacking during a bbq. we ate to our hearts content, in fact we had too much food. after like eating for 2-3 hrs, i decided to stop before i turn into a pillow! in between, we had an informal gift exhange gathering just outside the chalet. was really glad to receive all the hand made stuff rather than the usual on the shelves kind of presents. so, i suppose that is y i like christmas so much. hopefully i get similar experience on my birthday. this year and the year after going to be quite scary since alot of the girls that i know are having their 21st. march will be the first mega party that i have been tasked to organise. mixed feelings cuz i feel abit nua. haha

i was thinking through several things during the chalet. i felt that i was ready for another relationship again. this time round, at least i am abit clearer on how to maintain a godly relationship with my girlfriend. i am going for the impossible but i BELIEVE God will somehow enable this to happen, that is if she is the one. its not going to be easy to convert her first but i need to take my stand and leave the rest to God.

The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting
It could it be that we have been this way before?
I know you don't think that I am trying
I know you're wearing thin down to the core

But hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you over again
Don't make me change my mind

Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find

This is not what I intended
I always swore to you I'd never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may have failed, but I have loved you from the start

Ohh, but hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you over again
Don't make me change my mind

Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
It's impossible

So breathe in so deep
Breathe me in, I'm yours to keep
And hold on to your words 'cause talk is cheap
And remember me tonight when you're asleep

Because tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you over again
Don't make me change my mind

Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find

Tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you over again
Don't make me change my mind

Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find

+++2:05 AM+++

Jesus is Love