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Kelvin
1st September
Affliation: Bartley Christian Church/ NOVO/ muffins
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    Saturday, March 20, 2010

    i went for this spiritual retreat on friday - weekend of waiting. its kinda like a christian conference where an outside speaker will come and talk to us about specific topics.

    on friday, our first sermon, pastor david talked about the great commission, how we were asked to do our best wherever we are for God. every thing that we do, be it big or small, it serves a purpose.

    "whatever thing that u do for your brother, u did it for me."

    i can't remember the exact verse, too lazy to check but the meaning is there. just before the service started, there i was alone, my cell group were busy so i guess i had no one else to turn to. messaged james to accompany me but apparently he didn't see my message. then, i heard a soft prompting from God to be alone with Him. for a moment there, i felt kind of noticed and it felt good. not only that, being needed by the God of the universe, its awesome!

    that night i left early, hoping that james would at least contact me and asked where i was. apparently he didn't and i didn't really think about it after that. at night i prayed, talked to God about myself falling away, about feeling distant from everyone. i prayed till i fell asleep.

    the first sermon started at 2pm. there i was sitting alone again, no one to disturb me. i was fully convinced that God will do something, i dunno when. worship started, holy spirit filled the entire church, i was deeply connected with God. halfway through the song, i felt that God was confronting me with certain issues. i felt abit bitter when aunty sharon didn't invite me to her house for dinner just after cny. i felt abit neglected. in my heart i was thinking is it because she didn't like me? i always greet her in church, sometimes she smile back most of the time she don't. i take it that its not in her nature to smile.

    God reminded me that who are u doing all these things for? y do u put your faith in something that is temporal? place your faith in me where it will never change. do everything for me and not because they are your friends.

    as i confess to God and asked him to take away all these bitterness, the Spirit of God overwhelmed me completely and i started shaking and crying uncontrollably. went on and on for prolly 5 mins. after which, worship ended and i felt released by God. it was as tho the hurt was gone completely.

    sermon started, pastor david suddenly said that God gave him some insights. he prophesy for Ian, telling him that studies is impt, but seek first the presence of God. all his friends will take on the same path but the path for him is diff. God told him not to despair but rather to seek after Him and He will lift him up to higher grounds. then pastor david asked if anyone had a hole in the pocket which resulted in losing some stuff. 2 guys raised their hands and he continued by saying that God is going to restore whatever that is lost in their lives. next, people who got woken up by God in the middle of the night to pray. 4 people raised up their hands and david said that God will be answering their prayers soon, by either this week or the week after. told them to pray unceasingly until that happens. for whoever asks will receive and whoever knocks on the door, it shall be answered!

    after which, his wife came up on stage to share her wisdom from God too. first was ian again, a double confirmation of God's word. then, the girl wearing a pair of red shoes sitting on the front row, something like trusting God, i forgot what it was alr.

    the sermon went on for 1 hr plus, i was pretty distracted by God in the sense that i felt the need to pray for my friends. there i was thinking that i will be graduating soon, i need to share Christ with my non christian friends. during the closing song, God nudged me again, david's wife told us that God wants the youth, from 15-25 to raise up their hands. they will be the ones who will bring about a change in the church and will go into the field of harvest.

    the message was quite overwhelming. as i sat there and reflect on what just happened, i find certain issues rather disturbing. friendship seemed to become very superficial and transient in the sense that i shouldn't even place an emphasis on them. God gave me the gift of discernment, it helped me alot in leading my cg. majority are guys who dun like to share their problems. with proper discernment, i know what they are going through just by observing their actions. at the same time, this gift made me realise the complexity of man. people who seemed to be nice in front of u might not be feeling the same about u. some people say i'm being too sensitive, perhaps too much for my own good. i guess the word is not sensitive because it refers to something that might not be true. in my case, a high percentage of my perception is true. i know when people lie in my face, i can tell from their expressions. i can tell when they feel uncomfortable around me or if i say something wrong.

    knowing to much ain't a good thing. a few years back, i always wanted to have this gift but now it seems as tho it is dragging me down and i feel very burdened by it. God is trying to teach me to see things differently, to do things for a different reason.

    second sermon of the day, david talked about the manifestation of the Holy spirit. spiritual disciplines like reading bible everyday, prayer and devotions can become like a routine if not managed carefully. we need to integrate the HS in our spiritual discipline in order to grow deeper in love with God on a daily basis. spiritual knowledge by itself is just head knowledge. we spend time doing it to seek God, not knowledge. discovering HS will lead us to Jesus and discovering Jesus will lead us to the Father.

    what i gather from that was PURITY. God specifically told me to be pure before Him. no matter how polluted the world is, how some of my friends behave, i must remain pure for Him. so what if people did stuff that i never tried before, so what if i never do it before? i got reminded of the story that pastor dave told me years ago. God has perfect plan for us, but to reach there, there are choices that we have to make daily. whatever we choose will lead us to different place that God has planned. it makes perfect sense because if u're not ready for the things that he's about to give u, how can he give it to u. for example if he were to give me 1 million dollars right now, i will probably buy alot of things that i dun need, start behaving like another person- rich and arrogant etc. if it takes one to be living in a world of ur own to be pure, so be it. different people have different ideals and i guess God is the only thing in my life apart from my family that has always been there for it without fail and disappointment.

    somehow in church, people start treating me like a celebrity, that i am so high up, i'm a model etc. dunch u get it? i'm still me, talk to me because im still the same. sometimes i dao u not because i want to, i might be in a daze, who doesn't occasionally. dun just because i dao u once then u regard me as snobbish after becoming model or something. its really not a big deal what. i like to dress up, it feels nice. dunch u dress up when u going to meet someone special? we're in the house of God, we should dress up!

    stepping out from the youth ministry really makes alot of difference. i used to have so many attention from so many people. people whom i used to be closed to are now leaders of cell groups, they have their own sheep to take care of. i guess once again, i need to take more initiative to talk to people. i dun wanna be confined to my cg alone, i mean they are great company yes, but we belong to a bigger family and i wanna get to know them better. our church desperately need a church camp, can't wait for next year! in the mean time, i pray that bartley will retain its old tradition, a family church where everyone knows everyone.


    +++11:42 PM+++


    Jesus is Love
    Friday, March 19, 2010

    after chionging for two weeks, i managed to put all my studies aside and relax for one entire morning/ afternoon. it was a well deserved break and most definitely well spent. met gene at 1130am for gym. i did my usual routine plus an additional 2km just for the sake of running. i felt obliged to do so since i will be taking part in a 5km run in school, competing against SBS. jinyu will be joining too and NOVO is like speculating that she'll appear in heels and look pretty. hahah.

    so after the gym, we went to swim. it was after 6 laps that i realised that i should start swimming more often cuz firstly, my fitness level sucks now and secondly, the pool is freaking opposite my hall. saw my neighbour there too, after 1.5 sem, i still didn't managed to say hi to him. its like after so long, things become very unnatural i mean if i wanted to do so i would have done it at the start. seems like a friendly guy and i wouldn't mind having another friend especially when he lives just next door.

    going for a christian retreat for 3 days starting tmr. its call week of waiting whereby there'll be sermons and perhaps reflection time to wait upon God. i figure that a spiritual conference will do me good especially in the absence of church camp. been talking to rachel quite often now, still dun feel the connection yet but u know, she's a christian, im a christian so ya. we stood outside the staircase talking about our faith yesterday and i realised that she dun really know God so i was abit sian diao. i kinda suggested for us to pray together and she seems abit turned off. argh!! hope she's not going to feel awkward ard me. :(

    oh yea, come to think of it, i need to ask God to intervene for this Monday's supper hop with HSS. i am beginning to fall in love with that school. hahaha. so many pretty girls and most of them belongs to my type. every morning when i walk to school, surely will make it a point to walk slower to allow time for people watching. anyway, BFF going to intro me to her freshies, 7 christians and 2 are quite pretty and most importantly, they are single. oh yeah. lets spell it again S I N G L E. getting desperate for my age is normal, time is running out!! fyi, shufen is getting married later this year, james ji just got engaged to huiru, tristan just got engaged to cheryl. all of them from my cg and yea, i dun wanna be left behind. haha.

    NOVO going to have a chalet soon to celebrate jinyu's birthday. that week itself i have 2 more midterms, 1 presentation and 1 lab report due! thursday there's worship in church, fri there's celestine birthday party at some hotel follow by st james to club then jinyu's chalet.. wahahaha. this is it!! party before exams. life rocks. i am so gonna miss uni life when its over!!


    +++12:54 AM+++


    Jesus is Love
    Friday, March 05, 2010

    these two days were rather insane but i felt very accomplished after all that mugging. thank God for lauren and weiqi who made studying less miserable. every night, we'll make our way to reading room, the one at south spine, NBS. mugging will commence all the way till prolly around 2am before we play half an hour of monopoly deal. its always good to have something to look forward to after some hardcore mugging. heh

    wq the PMS monster

    no wonder she covered her face.. HAHAHA



    thought for the day
    is there such a thing as backslided christians? by the way, its a term use to describe a believer who lost his faith along the way. the fundamental basis of saying that u're a christian is based on establishing a relationship with God. relationship stems on time spent on each other as well as communication. going church, is just part of being a christian, ie to say that going to church does not make u a christian. as a christian, ur life will revolve around God, He will be ur Saviour, ur Father, ur closest Friend. i believe that once u found this love, there is no way that u are willing to let it go because its addictive, u want it more and more.

    like any other relationship, there are bound to have conflicts. conflicts that make u wanna ignore God, conflicts that make u wanna go your own way. that does not equate to saying that whatever 'memories' u had with God did not exists, whatever that He said to u previously were lies. its not something that u can just let go completely. in the first place, God will still reach out to u, only if u choose to listen.

    Revelations 3:20

    here i am, i stand at the door and knock. whoever hears my voice and open the door, i will come in and eat with him and he with me.

    ................................................................................

    borrowing wad daryl said:

    I feel i know you and yet i dont. Close friend, acquaintance and the next moment a complete stranger. WEIRD.

    dun really want things to be this way, there's nothing much i can do, prolly just wait.


    +++12:26 AM+++


    Jesus is Love
    Tuesday, March 02, 2010

    met up with ivan at tanjong pagar for lunch and PACE. this is our first session so it was quite exciting. i tried my best not to monopolise the conversation again, tried to ask him more about himself. its tougher than i thought actually, i always felt that pple are interested in my life, felt that my life is fun and interesting. i could go on and on and share about things that happened around me, my thoughts on issues etc. everyone of us i suppose, to a certain extend, prefers to talk than listen. somehow after taking communication modules, it made me realised that my mentality is wrong. would i ever wanna make friend with someone who keeps talking? i dun think so. hmm

    friends around me seem to be good at building walls, after so long i still do not have the strength to tear it down. i want my close friends to share stuff with me, then i can feel more comfortable sharing deeper stuff with them. its my way of making sure that they trust me i suppose.

    went for movie marathon with qn at 6pm. we watching two movies (nine and dear john) one after the other without breaks. we wanted to just sneak in to another theatre after the first one but i cant afford to jeopardise my internship. any stupid actions i might cause me to miss the chance of becoming a teacher, thus destroying my career. LOL

    ahh. what happen to my study plan today? gosh, one more day wasted! going to have an interview with the principal tmr. need to plan what to say now. zz. ciao

    random photos

    haha. those were the days


    NOVO zai na li :(


    +++12:45 AM+++


    Jesus is Love
    Monday, March 01, 2010

    i really need to catch up on my beauty sleep and get out of my house to study. keep telling myself to study numerical analysis today and guess wad, my whole table is filled with the notes yet my eyes are glued to the screen.

    managed to catch up with keith today and somehow he's still feel abit defensive towards me. i mean so what if he clubs so much until he gets a VIP card. i club too what. been trying to tell him that but i dunno how to start. oh well, just gonna go his house one day and chill just like old times.

    saw another old friend on saturday. i hate it when i have to pretend to be busy eventhough i really wasn't that busy. there i was waiting for u to talk to me but it seems as though the whole wanna talk to u too so naturally i will back off. its like this sometimes, when pple in church don't see u for long, they will flock to u. then again, isn't it weird to not contact u if they really wanna talk to u that badly? when i do go church hopping a few more months from now, hopefully there will be people to talk to me when i get back. guess i'll wait for bryan and perhaps gab to settle down in bmt first before i decided to visit other churches. gab's dad just got commission to be a lay pastor! how cool is that.. hahaha. can't resist suaning him after service. the funniest thing was that he was praying to not having the need to go on stage to be prayed for. cuz usually uncle william will request the whole family to be up.

    oh and all my church friends said i look more guai today but it seems as though im overdoing it. perhaps secondary school teachers have leveled up. they are no longer a bunch of geeks who wear only conventional 'uniforms'. just for this interview, i sacrificed my hair and fringe. i might need to shop for a long sleeve shirt tomorrow if not i scared the principal will dislike my dressing. can't wait to be a stylo milo teacher in school and dun worry, i will not flirt with small children. hahaha.

    still waiting for pam to show me who the girl is. did i mention that joe's sis is kinda hawt? she should be a christian and so i am excited and pleased at the same time. wanted to take a photo with her together with the bride and the groom. arh. those aunties and uncles so impatient. boo to them. LOL


    +++12:52 AM+++


    Jesus is Love