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Monday, May 28, 2007
as the army phase is coming to an end, there's this nostalgic feeling already. to most people, that's like quite an insane statement but at the same time, people who thinks that its not possible are quite likely to be deceiving themselves. i mean seriously, how bad can being in the army be. oh well, whatever it is, i thank God for his protection and providance. alot of people missed out on building a strong relationship with his peers and even after ORD, he realised that there's no one that he can keep in contact with. that must be the sadest thing that can happen, truly.
God has provided me with friends that i know i can count on when i'm not around, friends that i can count on when i fall. friends that will be willing to pick me up when i'm down and friends that i can lean on when i can't support myself. friends that i can joke with and friends that i can share my burdens with. friends that i can gossip to and friends that i can share my secrets with. i don't think my friends are perfect, but they are good enough for me.
my superiors, they took pretty good care of me, especially my node warrant and pcs who are directly in charge of me. they shielded me and stood by me eventhough sometimes i may be at fault. they took blame for me so that i can be freed from punishment and gave me a chance to explain myself even when i'm quite obviously at fault. they crapped with me and tolerated my nonsense and randomness at times.
evidently, God was present. He was since the very beginning from the very first day i stepped onto tekong, until now when i'm about to move on to my next phase of life. older christians warned us that army will be a place to really test ur faith and how much u trust and believe in God. let me assure u that it is true. whether u go ocs or sispec, diver or a signaller, God has a plan for u. i am quite thankful that i am in one of the slackest vocation but at the same time, i wished that i could got into some retardedly shiong vocations like guards. i believe that the tougher it gets, the more u will be force to depend on God. i recall back in my sispec days, no matter how tired i was, i will spent time worshipping God after training in my bunk. compared to now when i have so much time doing my own stuff that my QT timing become less precious because it is not so crucial anymore. i am trying to say that i am sick of doing QT now, its just the mentality that u have alot of time so u can afford to push things back a little. in the end, u realised that u suddenly feel tired, not much energy or concentration left to have a long QT.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
sometimes when u are too close with someone and spent alot of time with your close friend that u have this repulsion all of a sudden and feel like avoiding him or not associating with him for like a period of time. i had it twice so far now and the effects on our friendship turned quite sour after the confrontation of the issue. its a internal confrontation and only u can deal with the problem urself. the reason for ignoring is not exactly a reason but rather a state of emotion. its more of a don't feel like.
when i do feel that way, most of the time it signifies the end of a good friendship. both times i regretted for having that thought and i tried to reconcile but one out of the two, i failed. there is a saying, if u know whats going to happen, y do it? well, sometimes i really hate myself.
i struggle alot trying to be a good friend and not expecting too much from my friends but i realised that i can't do that. i need affirmation too, i'm not so great as in freely giving my all to people and can go on and on without knowing whether my friends treat me as their friend. sometimes u sort of can guess what the person feels about u (friendship wise) but really, it makes a whole lot of difference when ur friends can come to u and say, u are indeed my best friend. maybe i read up too much on what heaven's going to be like. someone once told me that in heaven, when people talk, there's another inner voice that will keep on affirming us, sort of like an encouragement. wouldn't it be nice??
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i was not suppose to be able to go for church camp because i got range on the 18th and 19th of june, monday and tuesday. so even if i signed up for camp, i will have to go back on sunday night or even morning, depends on who i wanna go back with. then there was another problem, what if there wasn't anyone that i can go back with, my parents will not be happy bout it and will not even allow me to go.
during the 1st week of registration for camp, i sort of prayed that God will postpone my range and from then on, i didn't even think that it was possible to cancel the range since it involves alot of procedures like booking of the range and medics. anyhow, i signed up for the first 3 days of camp and was placed on the waiting list.
by the 4th week of registration, my range was cancelled because there wasn't any OCs available to take charge of the event. so as to say that i can finally go for camp. just when i was complaining to God that how important this camp is to me, He answered my prayers. my God is so GOOD!!!
+++10:40 PM+++
Jesus is Love
as the army phase is coming to an end, there's this nostalgic feeling already. to most people, that's like quite an insane statement but at the same time, people who thinks that its not possible are quite likely to be deceiving themselves. i mean seriously, how bad can being in the army be. oh well, whatever it is, i thank God for his protection and providance. alot of people missed out on building a strong relationship with his peers and even after ORD, he realised that there's no one that he can keep in contact with. that must be the sadest thing that can happen, truly.
God has provided me with friends that i know i can count on when i'm not around, friends that i can count on when i fall. friends that will be willing to pick me up when i'm down and friends that i can lean on when i can't support myself. friends that i can joke with and friends that i can share my burdens with. friends that i can gossip to and friends that i can share my secrets with. i don't think my friends are perfect, but they are good enough for me.
my superiors, they took pretty good care of me, especially my node warrant and pcs who are directly in charge of me. they shielded me and stood by me eventhough sometimes i may be at fault. they took blame for me so that i can be freed from punishment and gave me a chance to explain myself even when i'm quite obviously at fault. they crapped with me and tolerated my nonsense and randomness at times.
evidently, God was present. He was since the very beginning from the very first day i stepped onto tekong, until now when i'm about to move on to my next phase of life. older christians warned us that army will be a place to really test ur faith and how much u trust and believe in God. let me assure u that it is true. whether u go ocs or sispec, diver or a signaller, God has a plan for u. i am quite thankful that i am in one of the slackest vocation but at the same time, i wished that i could got into some retardedly shiong vocations like guards. i believe that the tougher it gets, the more u will be force to depend on God. i recall back in my sispec days, no matter how tired i was, i will spent time worshipping God after training in my bunk. compared to now when i have so much time doing my own stuff that my QT timing become less precious because it is not so crucial anymore. i am trying to say that i am sick of doing QT now, its just the mentality that u have alot of time so u can afford to push things back a little. in the end, u realised that u suddenly feel tired, not much energy or concentration left to have a long QT.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
sometimes when u are too close with someone and spent alot of time with your close friend that u have this repulsion all of a sudden and feel like avoiding him or not associating with him for like a period of time. i had it twice so far now and the effects on our friendship turned quite sour after the confrontation of the issue. its a internal confrontation and only u can deal with the problem urself. the reason for ignoring is not exactly a reason but rather a state of emotion. its more of a don't feel like.
when i do feel that way, most of the time it signifies the end of a good friendship. both times i regretted for having that thought and i tried to reconcile but one out of the two, i failed. there is a saying, if u know whats going to happen, y do it? well, sometimes i really hate myself.
i struggle alot trying to be a good friend and not expecting too much from my friends but i realised that i can't do that. i need affirmation too, i'm not so great as in freely giving my all to people and can go on and on without knowing whether my friends treat me as their friend. sometimes u sort of can guess what the person feels about u (friendship wise) but really, it makes a whole lot of difference when ur friends can come to u and say, u are indeed my best friend. maybe i read up too much on what heaven's going to be like. someone once told me that in heaven, when people talk, there's another inner voice that will keep on affirming us, sort of like an encouragement. wouldn't it be nice??
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i was not suppose to be able to go for church camp because i got range on the 18th and 19th of june, monday and tuesday. so even if i signed up for camp, i will have to go back on sunday night or even morning, depends on who i wanna go back with. then there was another problem, what if there wasn't anyone that i can go back with, my parents will not be happy bout it and will not even allow me to go.
during the 1st week of registration for camp, i sort of prayed that God will postpone my range and from then on, i didn't even think that it was possible to cancel the range since it involves alot of procedures like booking of the range and medics. anyhow, i signed up for the first 3 days of camp and was placed on the waiting list.
by the 4th week of registration, my range was cancelled because there wasn't any OCs available to take charge of the event. so as to say that i can finally go for camp. just when i was complaining to God that how important this camp is to me, He answered my prayers. my God is so GOOD!!!
Jesus is Love