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Friday, February 27, 2009
i should be studying right now but i am not. gosh, really not in the mood to do anything serious. yesterday felt abit sian after the meeting in the afternoon so i decided to go back hall to mug and just slack in my room till my blk mates come back. didn't really feel like joining the NOVOs for dinner, didn't ahve the mood to do that. guess im having abit of withdrawal symptoms. i know every thursday belongs to NOVO but cuz of poor planning, dinner was cancelled (or so i thought), thus i smsed my block people and told them that i might be meeting them. in the first place, i wasn't informed by anyone bout ytd's k box when i think i'm suppose to be notified somehow. oh well, putting that aside, i started mugging and realised that i didn't know alot of things. felt abit sian and weighed down by the whole thingy, i really dun wanna be like last sem, failing all my mid terms again. just when i thought i could just run away from everything and be confined within my own personal space, my novo clique came to look for me. all of a sudden the close bonds that we shared became familiar again and i kind of snapped out of my negativity with them. its not a big thing actually but i knew that if they weren't there that day, it might get worse. afterall, running away is my forte.
had several htht sessions with 2 close friends on separate occasions and both sort of told me not to be so dependent on friends. that was how i grew up but i guess when u really grow up, u realised that people are not that dependable anymore. they have their own issues to deal with, they have their own commitments. so i suppose its time for me to grow up or to hop on to another shelter. been feeling a little distant from God recently, partly due to the chionging of lab reports till unearthly hours, having friends in my room and nuaing till almost the same time as my chionging sessions. i wanna go church asap, i need to get back to where i truly belong.
okie, so my novo friends came to look for me, i was really happy then but was on my way to the gym to distract myself abit from whatever that was going thru my head. i walked with them to the bustop and head over to NIE. after that , those lousy pple psychoed me to go karaoke. i didn't want to go, i knew i had to study but actually i knew i would go in the end. the priorities in my life were such that friends always hold a higher place than books and this is especially so for NOVOs. however, it is also true that my emotional state at that point of time was somewhat related to them as well. like i mentioned in my previous entry, i can tell from people's expression what they are thinking. u can't hide it from me, i know what's going on. i dun want to act blur and i dun really want to run away because i dun want to lose our friendship. dun avoid me because of that, not going to solve anything. if u want me to step away for awhile, i can but dun take too long.
sometimes its not good to be able to tell how people are thinking and behaving. it hurts when u know u can no longer be as close to with someone as before. u know u can't really depend on whoever because chances are that the person might not even be able to be there for u. dun expect me to always tell u when i need u to be around. just open ur eyes, i will give hints, not obvious, but sufficient. if u can't catch it, means either u are not paying attention or that u are jusdt too busy for me. either way, we might not be that close already.
heh, enough of trashing thoughts. i guess i just need some kind of affirmation once in awhile. haha. but then again, perhaps im just being abit childish and spoilt- demanding so much from people around me.
+++2:16 PM+++
Jesus is Love
i should be studying right now but i am not. gosh, really not in the mood to do anything serious. yesterday felt abit sian after the meeting in the afternoon so i decided to go back hall to mug and just slack in my room till my blk mates come back. didn't really feel like joining the NOVOs for dinner, didn't ahve the mood to do that. guess im having abit of withdrawal symptoms. i know every thursday belongs to NOVO but cuz of poor planning, dinner was cancelled (or so i thought), thus i smsed my block people and told them that i might be meeting them. in the first place, i wasn't informed by anyone bout ytd's k box when i think i'm suppose to be notified somehow. oh well, putting that aside, i started mugging and realised that i didn't know alot of things. felt abit sian and weighed down by the whole thingy, i really dun wanna be like last sem, failing all my mid terms again. just when i thought i could just run away from everything and be confined within my own personal space, my novo clique came to look for me. all of a sudden the close bonds that we shared became familiar again and i kind of snapped out of my negativity with them. its not a big thing actually but i knew that if they weren't there that day, it might get worse. afterall, running away is my forte.
had several htht sessions with 2 close friends on separate occasions and both sort of told me not to be so dependent on friends. that was how i grew up but i guess when u really grow up, u realised that people are not that dependable anymore. they have their own issues to deal with, they have their own commitments. so i suppose its time for me to grow up or to hop on to another shelter. been feeling a little distant from God recently, partly due to the chionging of lab reports till unearthly hours, having friends in my room and nuaing till almost the same time as my chionging sessions. i wanna go church asap, i need to get back to where i truly belong.
okie, so my novo friends came to look for me, i was really happy then but was on my way to the gym to distract myself abit from whatever that was going thru my head. i walked with them to the bustop and head over to NIE. after that , those lousy pple psychoed me to go karaoke. i didn't want to go, i knew i had to study but actually i knew i would go in the end. the priorities in my life were such that friends always hold a higher place than books and this is especially so for NOVOs. however, it is also true that my emotional state at that point of time was somewhat related to them as well. like i mentioned in my previous entry, i can tell from people's expression what they are thinking. u can't hide it from me, i know what's going on. i dun want to act blur and i dun really want to run away because i dun want to lose our friendship. dun avoid me because of that, not going to solve anything. if u want me to step away for awhile, i can but dun take too long.
sometimes its not good to be able to tell how people are thinking and behaving. it hurts when u know u can no longer be as close to with someone as before. u know u can't really depend on whoever because chances are that the person might not even be able to be there for u. dun expect me to always tell u when i need u to be around. just open ur eyes, i will give hints, not obvious, but sufficient. if u can't catch it, means either u are not paying attention or that u are jusdt too busy for me. either way, we might not be that close already.
heh, enough of trashing thoughts. i guess i just need some kind of affirmation once in awhile. haha. but then again, perhaps im just being abit childish and spoilt- demanding so much from people around me.
Jesus is Love