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Friday, January 09, 2009
cheerleading is taking up alot of my time and i think im on the verge of breaking down again. i dun think i wanna do this anymore. work is piling up, people are still asking me out. i cannot resist fun, i can never resist it. i want to go out and have fun and lead a carefree life but yet at the same time, i wanna build up a career path that can enable my family to lead an easy life in future.
future is kind of bleak right now, at least i have someone in mind to occupy and block off all the unpleasant stuff. this i dun think i can share yet cuz as of now i dun even know what i'm going to do. i feel like stepping back from church and at the same time i wanna do so much things for church. its a feeling of wanting to push everything aside and just lean back and relax yet this period of time is when i need God the most. i desperately need restoration and peace from Him. i want to be able to smile every morning and listen to the melodies of nature as i stroll to school. i wanna look at the sky and feel the gentle breeze and hear God says that he loves me so much. guess i dun need anyone for now cept God but deep down i still want to have a girl in my life that can journey with for a lifetime. i wanna watch sunset with her, wanna dance with her in a private park, wanna hold her in my arms. heh. i saw her in my dreams a couple of time, it was at a water fountain where i first met her. never really see her face before but i like the feel of it, the chemistry between us. read a few books on it, dreams like this do become reality.
received a letter from one of my friend and somehow i got abit confused over recent events. first time in my life that i cannot fully say that i know how to deal with it. u said that u can't read my mind and i agree with u because i dunno what i want. i still don't. i try my best to be normal around u but sometimes i can't. anyway, just wanna let u know that i tried my best to achieve what i had promised u until the very end.
+++6:37 PM+++
Jesus is Love
cheerleading is taking up alot of my time and i think im on the verge of breaking down again. i dun think i wanna do this anymore. work is piling up, people are still asking me out. i cannot resist fun, i can never resist it. i want to go out and have fun and lead a carefree life but yet at the same time, i wanna build up a career path that can enable my family to lead an easy life in future.
future is kind of bleak right now, at least i have someone in mind to occupy and block off all the unpleasant stuff. this i dun think i can share yet cuz as of now i dun even know what i'm going to do. i feel like stepping back from church and at the same time i wanna do so much things for church. its a feeling of wanting to push everything aside and just lean back and relax yet this period of time is when i need God the most. i desperately need restoration and peace from Him. i want to be able to smile every morning and listen to the melodies of nature as i stroll to school. i wanna look at the sky and feel the gentle breeze and hear God says that he loves me so much. guess i dun need anyone for now cept God but deep down i still want to have a girl in my life that can journey with for a lifetime. i wanna watch sunset with her, wanna dance with her in a private park, wanna hold her in my arms. heh. i saw her in my dreams a couple of time, it was at a water fountain where i first met her. never really see her face before but i like the feel of it, the chemistry between us. read a few books on it, dreams like this do become reality.
received a letter from one of my friend and somehow i got abit confused over recent events. first time in my life that i cannot fully say that i know how to deal with it. u said that u can't read my mind and i agree with u because i dunno what i want. i still don't. i try my best to be normal around u but sometimes i can't. anyway, just wanna let u know that i tried my best to achieve what i had promised u until the very end.
Jesus is Love