Teacher's Diary

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

yo, exams are officially over and i'm kind of pleased cuz i managed to survive through. it was really tough studying for the last paper cuz i didn't have enough questions to practise on. putting that aside, i'm engaging my holiday plans and trying to meet up with people that i lost contact with since i entered army.

come to think of it, i had been thinking about how i spent my sec sch and poly life and i felt kind of wasted because i didn't really made full use of it. comparing with right now in uni, i made alot of good friends, friends that i really love and i suppose they love me too. in sec sch, perhaps i was a little weird to alot of people, my character was flawed like seriously flawed, i felt abit insecure that's why i chose to jump cliques. i suppose i still had attention from people but i dun really know what i was doing, i dunno how to reciprocate the friendship. i felt that they didn't really include me in the first place, except for D6.

when i went for cjc for first 3 mths, i found people with the same frequency as me, i enjoyed their company alot, classmates as well as my odac friends but later on i got wired up with odac activities and neglected my classmates (partially because they dun really go out tgt) so we stopped chilling in town together. instead, odac formed a big part of my life then. i can always count on my odac pals when i needed someone to talk to. after i got out of cj and went to poly, my situation revered back to my sec sch days. pam (one of the d6) was in the same cohort as me so i hanged out with her grp of friends too but it was abit weird cuz they were all girls. i mean i dun find it weird but to alot of pple it was rather unusual. they kind of accepted me but yet at the same time i couldn't share my stuff with them cuz i felt quite funny. thankfully there was still kristie and james. both of them i suppose was classified as my true friends in poly (pam too) but the rest of my friendships were quite dispensable i guess. given a long period of time, it didn't matter kind of feeling.

and so, after all that studying and slacking, i graduated and went to army. bmt wasn't really that fun for me cuz i couldn't fit in. i was one of the smartest kid in my platoon and definitely excelled in sports but doing sai kang ain't really my kind of thing. i like to finish my work fast so that i will have enough energy for the next day but my bunk mates chose to differ. they stayed up on alot of nights completing their work and talking while i slept at 1030pm sharp. thus, i was soon labelled as selfish. on one of the last few days of bmt, most of the people ganged up on me and poured all sort of things on me in the middle of the night. of course i wasn't the only one but i felt kind of sad cuz i didn't expect to generate so much hatred (okie its actually not that serious). sispec was definitely alot better. majority of my bunkmates became my bunkmates again but this time round, they kind of accepted me and we became alot closer, started hanging out when we booked out and stuff. some of them actually shared the reason for hating me that much. it was pretty interesting to find out why. firstly, i always cut queue during meal times. no offense but everyone does that cuz its fun. secondly, im always the first to bathe and first to sleep. i mean would u rather be last? dun really recall the rest but i suppose it was just rumors about who i really was. people who hated me were generally from other sections who never spoken to me, not even once. so ya, i started to make alot of friends since then. SI too, i had close friends that left us cuz of pilot training (furong). he stayed at lim toa tau rd, chrystal's neighbour. was in fact the first friend i made there. did i mention that everytime i go to a new environment, there will be someone whom i felt as though he can be my good friend kind of material? in cj it was darrell goh but i bet no one who reads my blog know him. so the rest of my life after that was super rocking so i shall not elaborate on that.

after saying so much, it just drives me back to my main point. i wanna meet up with people who stayed with me when i was such a reject. it didn't occur to me that i should get everyone back when i was having my 21st but oh well. i suppose one to one suits me better.

met up with D6 today, cherylene got something on and ivena is still in taiwan but i suppose we still had a good time catching up. i was quite shocked to hear so many politics that happened and i was oblivious about it. i suppose i wasn't involve and like i said, i didn't really have an identity back then so i guess it wasn't that important. thank god that somehow i went to for a christian camp (adam's king) and got saved. don't get me wrong, things don't become perfect when u becoem a christian. its just that u view life differently. something like when u fall in love, the world become more bearable or in fact lovely. thats how i felt, i was in love with God and not just a cross in church, god is real and his love is WOOOHOOOO. so with his love supporting me, i chose to obey his ways and slowly He transformed and shaped my character.

through going for youth service, i made up with alot of close friends. its hard to maintain the closeness cuz i cannot possibly meet up with all of them throughout the week but when we do talk, it felt like old times. therefore since i've decided that i'm not going to work this holiday, i shall attempt to meet up with my buddies.
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somehow i got reminded that friends come and go but to me this phrase ain't valid cuz my friends will be friends and unless there's quarrels or serious conflicts that u cannot resolve, it shouldn't happen. if it does, it simply means that u don't care and u are not doing enough to get back the friendship. and btw, christians are taught to forgive so the first point ain't valid.

there is still one friendship that i want to regain back but its kinda tough cuz he's studying overseas and when he comes back, either he's super busy or i am or perhaps i didn't know what to say to him cuz its been too long since we last talked bout anything. i hate the pride of a guy and i suppose i happen to have a big one. ahh its late and i need to sleep. nitee

+++12:48 AM+++

Jesus is Love